Keeping Romance Alive: What Fairy Tales Didn't Teach Me About Love

I grew up on fairy tales. I believed in the blonde prince on a white horse, the dramatic movie moments and the idea that love was meant to feel like butterflies every second of every day.

Then my younger years seemed to strengthen those beliefs even more. The excitement, the intense feelings, the obsession with someone, the kind of love where your entire world suddenly revolves around another person. I genuinely thought that was what love was supposed to be.

As I got older though, I slowly realised that real love looks very different.

There is a saying that you should choose someone you could survive your worst days with, and I think there is so much truth in that. Passion is beautiful. Butterflies are lovely. The beginning of relationships often comes with excitement, late-night conversations and seeing the world through pink glasses.

But eventually real life arrives. Work deadlines arrive. Bills arrive. Family stress arrives. Tiredness arrives. One of you becomes stressed. One of you gets ill. Laundry piles up. Suddenly life becomes less about romantic dinners and dramatic moments and more about deciding who is taking the bins out or what to have for dinner.

And strangely enough, I think this is where who you choose becomes even more important.

Because love is not really tested on holiday, on anniversaries or on date nights. Love is tested on random Tuesdays after both of you have had a long day and neither of you feels particularly romantic. It is tested during stressful seasons, hospital appointments, financial worries, difficult weeks at work and moments where life simply feels heavy.

That doesn't mean romance disappears.

It simply means both people need to make sure they keep that sparkle alive.

Keeping Romance Alive In Everyday Life

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming romance should happen naturally forever. We somehow expect the same feelings from the beginning of a relationship to magically stay exactly the same without any effort. But relationships are a little bit like plants; if you stop watering them, eventually things begin to fade.

The good news is that romance doesn't need to mean expensive holidays, flowers every week or huge gestures.

Most of the time it's found in smaller things.

Learn How Your Partner Feels Loved

We often show love in the way we personally like receiving it, but our partner may experience love completely differently.

Maybe you feel happiest hearing words like "I'm proud of you" or "I appreciate you", while your partner feels loved when you spend quality time together or help with everyday tasks.

Understanding what actually makes your partner feel valued changes everything because you stop loving them the way you want and start loving them the way they need.

This is not an ad! But you can find out more about your love language by simply completing a few questions: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language. It does require you to put your name and email in but that’s it.

Help Without Being Asked

I think this one is massively underrated.

There is something incredibly attractive about someone noticing you're struggling and helping before you even ask. Making dinner because you've had a stressful day, filling the car with petrol, taking the dog out, folding laundry or simply taking something off someone's plate because you can see they are overwhelmed.

To me, love often looks less like fireworks and more like quietly carrying some of the weight for each other.

Positive Words Matter More Than We Think

When you've been with someone for a long time it becomes easy to focus on what annoys you.

The socks on the floor.

The habits that drive you slightly insane.

The things they forgot.

And let’s not even talk about the toilet seat situation…

But I think we underestimate how powerful positive words can be. Telling someone they look nice, thanking them for making dinner, recognising how hard they work or simply saying "I appreciate you" creates a completely different atmosphere.

People grow where they feel appreciated.

Protect Quality Time

I know it doesn't sound particularly romantic putting time together into a diary.

But life becomes busy. Work gets stressful. Responsibilities take over. Suddenly weeks can pass where you've technically been together but haven't actually connected.

Quality time doesn't need to mean expensive date nights. It can be watching a film together, having coffee before work, going for a walk or simply putting your phones away for an hour.

The point isn't what you're doing.

The point is being present.

Stay Curious About Each Other

I think many couples stop dating each other mentally. We assume we know everything because we've been together for years, but people constantly change.

Keep asking questions.

What's been stressing them lately?

What are they excited about?

What goals do they have?

What are they dreaming about?

Never stop getting to know the person you love.

Keep Physical Affection Alive

And no, I don't just mean sex. I mean holding hands, random hugs, kisses before leaving for work, sitting close on the sofa and all those little moments of physical connection that happen naturally at the start of relationships.

Sometimes intimacy disappears quietly rather than suddenly.

Remember You're On The Same Team

Long-term relationships are not about finding someone without flaws because that person simply doesn't exist. There will be annoying habits, mistakes, disagreements and moments where you drive each other absolutely mad.

But I think the strongest couples stop asking:

"Who is right?"

And instead ask:

"How do we fix this together?"

Maybe fairy tales got one thing wrong.

The happiest love stories don't happen because two people never stop feeling butterflies.

They happen because two people keep choosing each other long after the butterflies settle.

Until next Sunday,

Nikki x