Trying for a Baby After Your 30s: What I’ve Learnt So Far

nikolettturai
Nov 23
4 min read

It’s strange how, in our twenties, so much energy goes into avoiding pregnancy. Then life moves on, you meet the right person, and something shifts. The idea of a family starts to feel less like a distant possibility and more like something quietly, profoundly meaningful.

I used to imagine a very traditional order for my life: engagement, marriage, then children. But life doesn’t always sit neatly in the plans we draw. Our financial situation changed, timelines stretched, and the order I once pictured no longer made sense. What did make sense was our relationship — the depth of it — so we took the pressure away and told ourselves:

We’re not trying… but if it happens, it happens.

A year passed like that. Not trying, but always wondering.

I came off the pill in August 2022 and my cycle reacted exactly the way no one warns you it will. It was irregular, unpredictable, and inconsistent for months. It took about six months for things to settle, and even after that, estimating anything felt uncertain. At the time, I wasn’t as focused on getting pregnant — I was more concerned about understanding my own body, because suddenly nothing made sense.

That’s when I started learning properly — for the first time — about how the menstrual cycle works. The phases, the hormones, the timing, what’s considered normal and what isn’t. It felt almost surreal to realise I was in my 30s and only now fully understanding the basics of my reproductive health. And I don’t blame myself — many of us were not taught these things clearly, sensitively, or in a way that mattered.

So here is everything I wish I had known years ago:

a clear, grounded explanation of what actually happens in the female cycle
how fertility works
what supplements can support men and women
how to understand your body with more confidence

Understanding the Menstrual Cycle: A Clear, Useful Explanation

Your cycle has four phases, each driven by changing hormones. Understanding these shifts makes the whole process far less mysterious — especially when trying to conceive.

1. Menstrual Phase (Day 1–5)

This is the phase most of us are familiar with. Bleeding marks the start of a new cycle.

What’s happening physically:

Your uterine lining, which thickened in the previous cycle, sheds.
Hormones drop sharply — oestrogen and progesterone both reach low levels.

Why symptoms happen:

Cramping occurs because the uterus contracts to expel the lining.
Low hormones can affect mood, energy, and even sleep.
Prostaglandins (chemicals involved in inflammation) rise, which can also affect digestion.

What’s normal:

Bleeding for 3–7 days
Mild to moderate cramps
Overall cycle length between 21–35 days

2. Follicular Phase (Day 1–Ovulation)

The follicular phase overlaps with menstruation and continues afterwards.

What’s happening physically:

The brain releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH).
Multiple follicles begin to develop in the ovaries, but only one becomes dominant.
Oestrogen gradually rises.

Why this matters:

Rising oestrogen thickens the uterine lining and supports the development of a mature egg. This is also the phase where many people feel a natural increase in clarity, energy, and motivation.

3. Ovulation (Mid-cycle)

Ovulation is the key phase for conceiving.

What’s happening physically:

A surge of luteinising hormone (LH) triggers the release of the mature egg.
The egg survives for about 12–24 hours.
Cervical mucus changes to become more fertile and supportive to sperm.

Signs of ovulation:

Clear, stretchy cervical mucus
A positive LH ovulation test
A slight twinge or ache on one side of the pelvis
Increased libido for some people

The fertile window:

This is the most misunderstood part of the cycle.

The fertile window is the days before ovulation, not after.

Because sperm can survive up to 5 days, but the egg only survives up to 24 hours, the most effective time to have sex is:

The 2–3 days before your LH surge
The day of the positive LH test
The day after

4. Luteal Phase (Post-ovulation)

This phase occurs after ovulation, whether conception happens or not.

What’s happening physically:

The empty follicle becomes the corpus luteum, producing progesterone.
Progesterone stabilises the uterine lining and prepares it for possible implantation.
If fertilisation doesn’t occur, progesterone drops again at the end of this phase, triggering a new period.

Why symptoms happen:

Progesterone can cause breast tenderness, bloating, and fatigue.
The shift in hormones can influence mood and appetite.
This is where PMS can show up more strongly in some people.

When the Cycle Gives Clues Something Isn’t Right

Irregular cycles, severe pain, very heavy bleeding, or unpredictable ovulation can be signs of:

PCOS
Endometriosis
Thyroid dysfunction
Hormonal imbalance
Chronic stress
Insulin resistance

It’s not about panicking — it’s about recognising when your body is signalling that something needs attention.

Supporting Fertility: Vitamins & Supplements

Supplements are not magic, but they can support overall reproductive health.

For Women

Folate (Folic Acid):

Supports early pregnancy and healthy cell development.

Vitamin D:

Important for hormonal regulation and cycle regularity; many people are deficient (especially in the UK).

CoQ10:

Helps support egg quality by improving cellular energy and reducing oxidative stress.

Inositol (especially Myo-inositol):

Supports cycle regularity, ovulation, and insulin sensitivity — especially helpful for PCOS tendencies.

Omega-3:

Supports hormone production and reduces inflammation.

Iron:

Low iron can disrupt ovulation and cause fatigue.

For Men

Men contribute 50% of conception — something rarely emphasised.

Zinc:

Vital for sperm quality and testosterone levels.

Vitamin D:

Supports healthy sperm development and hormonal balance.

CoQ10:

Improves sperm motility and overall sperm health.

Selenium:

Important for sperm formation and protection from oxidative damage.

Omega-3:

Supports sperm membrane integrity and shape.

My Own Journey, Summarised

Once my cycle stabilised around June 2024, I started tracking ovulation properly and supporting my body with vitamins. My partner went through surgery, which delayed things naturally. In early 2025, worry started creeping in and I spoke to my GP. My blood tests were normal, and I was referred — though the waiting times have been long and the process slow.

But the biggest shift has been understanding my body in a way I never had before. Learning the science behind each phase. Recognising what’s normal, what’s not, and when to advocate for myself. It’s empowering, even if the journey itself isn’t always easy.