I Went Back to Therapy — And Honestly, It Was Time

nikolettturai
Nov 13
3 min read

Quick note: I’m just sharing my personal experience. I’m not a therapist, and this isn’t professional advice. If anything here resonates, please reach out for support that’s right for you.

For a couple of months, I felt like I was walking around with a live wire under my skin. I was snappy with people I love, overthinking literally everything, and binge-eating like it was my full-time job. My body was constantly tense, like I was waiting for something terrible to happen… even when nothing actually was.

Eventually I hit that point where you look at yourself and think:

“Okay babe… this isn’t sustainable.”

So I referred myself through a local service called Mindsmatter. The process was simple: fill out an online self-referral form, get a call, talk through what’s going on, and then choose from the options they offer. I was given the choice between a group programme or a self-directed one with someone overseeing. I chose the latter — because group therapy? Not me. Not yet. Not in this economy.

The First Appointment

We went through my whole life story (fun) and my therapist very gently told me:

“The NHS doesn’t really offer the emotional regulation work you need… but we can work on your anxiety.”

And honestly, fair. Emotional regulation probably requires the Avengers.

So session two became Anxiety 101 — understanding what it actually is rather than just fighting with it like an imaginary enemy.

So… what is anxiety?

The easiest way to explain it:

Your brain thinks you’re in danger, so it presses the BIG RED BUTTON.

Doesn’t matter if the danger is real or just a thought spiral you cooked up because someone didn’t text you back fast enough.

Once your brain decides you’re threatened, the whole body jumps into action:

Thoughts start racing
Your mouth goes dry
Your heart speeds up
You sweat (apparently being slippery helps you “escape”… evolution was wild)
Muscles tense
Your stomach flips
Breathing gets fast and shallow
You feel dizzy or spaced out

It’s basically your body saying:

“We fight? We run? We faint? What’s the vibe?”

And then comes the behaviour part — the stuff we do to feel safer:

Avoiding situations or people
Only going somewhere if someone comes with us
Leaving early
Using little “safety habits” (fiddling, holding a drink, staying glued to your phone)

The problem?

Those behaviours make you feel betterin the moment, but they keep the anxiety alive long-term. If you always avoid the situation, you never find out whether the terrible thing you’re predicting actually happens… so your brain just keeps assuming the worst.

The STOP Technique

One tool my wellbeing therapist taught me is called the STOP technique — and it’s so simple it almost feels fake until you try it.

S — Stop

Pause. Put the brakes on the thought spiral

T — Take a breath

Slow, deliberate breathing gives your body a chance to calm the emergency alarms.

O — Observe

Ask yourself:

• What am I telling myself right now?

• Why am I feeling this way?

• What disaster am I predicting?

P — Perspective

This is where you reality-check the thought:

• Is this fact or opinion?

• What’s another way of looking at this?

• What would I tell my best friend in the same situation?

Using this doesn’t magically erase anxiety, but it does help you catch the thoughts that are fuelling the emotion. And like anything, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Going Back to Therapy Doesn’t Mean You Failed

If anything, it means you’ve finally stopped trying to white-knuckle your way through life. I’m still very much in the process — unpacking, healing, regulating, unlearning all the things that don’t serve me anymore.

But going back was the first step in getting my peace back.

And if you’re reading this thinking you might need help too… you’re not alone, and support exists.