Nikki’s Book Club - June Recap

This month, I spent time with some heavy hitters in the world of self-development and philosophy. I explored the wisdom of Seneca and Epictetus, whose Stoic teachings really helped me rethink how I approach challenges. Susan Cain’s book was a game-changer, shedding light on the power of introversion. I also meant to get through Michel de Montaigne’s massive 1,000-page book, but I’m still making my way through it – it's a slow burn! More on that later on... So let's look at some of the key points of these books.

Book No. 21 - On The Shortness Of Life by Seneca

Seneca, also known as Lucius Annaeus Seneca, was a Roman philosopher, statesman, and playwright who lived during the first century AD (4 BC – 65 AD). He is best known for his contributions to Stoic philosophy, which emphasizes personal virtue, wisdom, and self-control as paths to a peaceful and resilient life.

Personal Rating: 2/5

Opinion: Seneca’s book delivered powerful teachings about taking control of our own lives and not letting external circumstances dictate our happiness. His message that our well-being depends on our mindset and inner strength really resonated with me. While some of the writing felt repetitive and a bit tough to digest at times, this short book had some great points. I decided to summaries my key take-aways in bullet points:

• It's not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it...

• But the man who spend all his time on his own needs, who organizes every day as though it were his last, neither longs nor fears the next day.

• Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future.

• We must realize that our difficulty us not the fault of the places but ourselves.

• We must be especially careful in choosing people, and deciding whether they are worth devoting a part of our lives to them, whether the sacrifice of out time makes a difference to them.

• A companion who is agitated and grooming about everything is an enemy to peace of mind.

Book No. 22 - Quiet by Susan Cain

Susan Cain is an American author and speaker. This book brings attention to the strengths and unique qualities of introverts in a culture that often values extroversion. In the book, Cain explores how introverts can thrive in environments traditionally dominated by louder, more outwardly social personalities.

Personal Rating: 3/5

Opinion: I appreciated the insights and real-life examples that highlighted the unique power of introversion. However, there was a bit too much focus on research and scientific talk for my taste. While the book had some great takeaways, I personally would have preferred less data and more practical application.

Introverts vs. Extroverts

Introverts and extroverts are two personality types that differ in how they respond to and recharge from social interactions. The biggest misunderstanding is that people think introverts are anti-social and extroverts are social. This is untrue. These people are both social just different kind of social. Have a look at their differences:

• Introverts tend to feel more energized by solitude or small, intimate settings. They often prefer quieter environments, where they can focus inward and reflect. Socializing in large groups or in highly stimulating environments can feel draining to them, and they often need time alone to recharge. Introverts are typically more thoughtful, reserved, and comfortable with introspection. Introverts like those people they meet in a friendly context.

• Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from being around people and engaging in social activities. They thrive in stimulating environments, enjoy large groups, and are often more outgoing and expressive. Extroverts tend to feel recharged by social interaction, and they often seek out external stimulation. Extroverts bond with those people they compete with.

Most people fall somewhere on a spectrum between introversion and extroversion, displaying traits from both categories, depending on the situation.

This is an Extrovert's World

But it would be nothing without introverts. Unfortunately, we live in a world that forces us to be extroverts. From a very young age actually. When in reality, there are a lot of introverts out there. More than you think. Your genetics and upbringing will contribute to your personality and will eventually decide if you are an extrovert or an introvert. And you will stay like that forever. A lot of people pretend to be social butterflies just because they have to. We can change ourselves, but only so much and only for so long. At core, we remain the same and you could only pretend to be extrovert for a limited amount of time before your true personality would come through your behavior. Of course, there are people who are extremely good at self-monitoring; these people can pretend better and longer.

Introverts & Work

As an introvert, you will prefer to work in solitude which is actually more productive than working in an open office environment (this has been proven scientifically). When you work on your own, in your own office or not surrounded by other people, you are able to focus more. Personal space is also vital for creativity.

Introverts require less stimulation. You need to find your sweet spot which is a place where you are optimally stimulated. Once you understand your sweet spot, you can set up your work/hobbies/social life so that you can spend as much time inside your sweet spot as possible. Understanding this will increase your satisfaction in every area of your life.

You will need to look for restorative niches at your workplace too. Aske yourself this question: Do my job environment and activities allow me to be my introvert/extrovert self? You need to find restorative niches that will recharge your batteries, for example, an introvert might take a 10 minutes coffee break sitting on their own after a busy morning meeting. You need to negotiate these kinds of 'Free Trait Agreements' with yourself and others. For example, in a relationship where one is an extrovert another is an introvert, you might agree on hosting dinner parties for your friends but you might limit the number of people to a smaller number.

Parenting Advice on Raising Introvert Children

As I mentioned above, the world wants us to be extroverts. From a very young age. Nobody would want their child to be excluded, to sit alone at lunch, not to be invited for birthday parties. So what do we do? We force them to be social, to participate in many social activities, heck, we even force ourselves to be social with the other parents we might not even like.

Whenever your kid is trying something new, introduce them to these things slowly. If it's their first time going into the sea for example, start by playing on the beach, then play closer to the water eventually, then let them dip their toes in before they would take the plunge.

Try to not force friends on them. Let them decide who they want to spend their time with. If they are invited to a birthday party, arrive early so they can get familiar with the place and the small number of people there before everyone would arrive.

How to Help Introvert Learners as a Teacher

This advice came really handy to me in my teaching career. Introversion doesn't need to be cured. Often educators look at the quiet people in the class, who like to work on their own and they want them to be more social, to develop those social skills that they wrongly think they are lacking.

To cater for introverts in your class, make sure you mix up movement, stimulation, group work with lectures, downtime and independent study. Don't challenge introverts with speaking in front of the whole class or sitting them with only extroverts. This will only threaten them.

Advice for Life

Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again. - Anais Nin

• Cherish your nearest and dearest.

• Work with people you like and respect.

• Don't worry about socializing.

• Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it.

• Rule of thumb for networking: One new honest-to-goodness relationship is worth ten fistfuls of business cards.

• Carve out restorative niches.

• Respect your loved ones' needs for socializing and your own for solitude.

• Spend your free time the way you like it.

• Make a deal with yourself to do a number of uncomfortable things just to help you avoid feeling guilty.

• Let your children be themselves.

• As a teacher, cultivate the shy.

• As a manager, think twice about the office design and ask people to solve problems individually before sharing ideas.

Book No. 23 - Discourses And Selected Writings by Epictetus

Epictetus was a Greek Stoic philosopher born a slave around 50 CE, later gaining his freedom and teaching in Nicopolis. His philosophy emphasized focusing on what we can control—our thoughts and actions—while accepting what we cannot, such as external events. His teachings, recorded by his student Arrian in the Discourses and Enchiridion, continue to influence modern thought on resilience, self-discipline, and inner peace.

Personal Rating: 3/5

Opinion: I enjoyed Epictetus's book, but it was sometimes a bit hard to understand. Like other works from his era, it takes time to fully grasp, but it contains some amazing teachings about human behavior and our attitude toward life.

People, Life and Death

"I must die. But must I die bowling? "

The above quote perfectly summarizes the meaning of this book. The Stoic perspective, which Epictetus champions, encourages facing death—and other hardships—with calmness, dignity, and acceptance, rather than with fear or excessive emotion. Epictetus also said; people are strange: they neither wish to live nor die. Death and pain are not frightening, it's the fear of pain and death we need to fear. Most people fear of death; they don't want to die for a number of reasons. It could be because they don't want to leave their loved ones, they are scared of the pain they would cause or simply they just feel they have still a lot of things to do, goals to achieve. Yet, they complain about their life in the present moment and just live their lives following a monotonous cycle.

"There you sit worrying that certain events might happen, already upset and in state about your present circumstances."

How to Face Life’s Challenges

Epictetus also promoted radical acceptance. He said: "Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace". He said that whatever difficulties we need to face, we have the resources and constitution that God gave us to cope with any situation.

"You should thank the gods for making you strong enough to survive what you cannot control, and only responsible for what you can."

He highlights that externals we cannot control but the choices we make with regard to them we do control. It is up to you how you answer to things that happen to you. Sometimes people blame their current life and circumstances on past events. They say they cannot change their parents, where they were born or what happened to them. This is true. Freedom is having events go in accordance with our will. So when they don't, people feel like they are loosing control. But they always have a choice. They can how they respond to these events.

The mind is subject only to itself.

Our thoughts, attitudes, and internal responses are under our own control and not dictated by external circumstances. People with strong physical constitution can tolerate extremes of hot and cold; people of strong mental health can handle anger, grief, joy and other emotions. A lot of times we are our worst enemy. Most of the time, things that cause us fear and distress are not external events or circumstances themselves, but rather our own thoughts and interpretations of them. Developing greater self-awareness and control over how we interpret and react to situations can bring peace to our life.

How to Live a More Fulfilled Life

One of the most common reasons people feel unfulfilled in life is that they seek validation from others or base their happiness on external factors. When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn't have to look outside themselves for approval. You should settle on the type of person you want to be and stick to it, whether alone or in company. Stop caring about what other people think of you.

"Whenever externals are more important to you than your own integrity, then be prepared to serve them the remainder of your life."

The more we value things beyond our control, the less control we actually have. Avoid becoming too attached to external possessions. The things people admire and work hard to obtain often become meaningless once they have them. You should take only what is truly necessary in the way of food, drink, clothing, and shelter. Epictetus said: "Freedom is not achieved by satisfying desires, but by eliminating it".

Sometimes, people often trouble themselves with unnecessary things and thoughts. They take on responsibilities or worries about things that are beyond their control or for which they cannot be held accountable. By doing so, they create unnecessary stress and complications in their lives. People should focus on what they can manage and let go of concerns that are out of their hands, thereby avoiding needless problems and preserving their peace of mind.

Finally, if emotional or psychological issues are not properly resolved, they will resurface and cause more suffering when faced with similar situations again. Epictetus said: "Passions of the soul leave certain scars and blisters behind. And unless you remove them well, the next time you are flogged on the same spot those blisters will be open wounds." You should confront these issues. This might involve reflecting on past experiences, understanding their impact, and seeking ways to resolve lingering feelings.

How to Live Amongst Others

Epictetus talked a lot about how people should live in relation to others. He described a good citizen as a person who never acts in their own interest or thinks of themselves alone, but, all their actions and desires aim at nothing expect contributing to the common good. Here are some tips from Epictetus on how to behave if you want to be a decent human being:

• Don't gossip about people, praising, blaming or comparing them.

• Let silence be your goal for the most part; say only what is necessary.

• Never sell your integrity.

• Don't go around correcting people about their mistakes - Since when you are so intelligent?

There will be times when you disagree with others and that is completely fine, but never engage in an argument. When someone caught in an argument hardens to stone, there is just no more reasoning with them. Also, if a man objects to truth that are all too evident, it's no easy task finding arguments that will change his mind. Remember, a fool cannot be convinced or even compelled to renounce his folly.

"Stand by a rock and insult it, and what have you accomplished? If someone responds to insult like a rock, what has the abuser gained with his invective? If, however, he has his victim's weakness to exploit, then his efforts are worth his while."

Our social environment has a powerful impact on who we become. When you interact with people regularly, it's likely that you'll start adopting their habits, attitudes, and behaviors—unless you can influence them to adopt yours instead. If you're not careful, the people around you can shape your character and mindset. To maintain your own principles, you either need to be mindful of this influence or strive to be the one who sets the example for others to follow.

Sometimes people can be blind to the true sources of harm in their lives, especially when those harms are self-inflicted. They struggle with self-awareness and honesty about their own shortcomings. People often recognize harm only when it involves a clear physical or financial loss. However, when the harm results from their own choices—particularly bad decisions or moral failings—they may not recognize or acknowledge the damage done. This suggests that people tend to overlook the consequences of their own actions when those consequences aren't immediately tangible. While people might be willing to admit to certain faults or mistakes, they often do so selectively and with hesitation. They might easily confess to minor flaws but resist admitting to more serious or significant issues, possibly due to pride, denial, or fear of judgment.

Book No. 24 - The Complete Essays by Michel De Montaigne

Michel de Montaigne (1533–1592) was a French Renaissance philosopher, writer, and statesman best known for popularizing the essay as a literary form. Born into a wealthy family near Bordeaux, France, Montaigne was educated in classical studies from a young age. He served as a public official, including as mayor of Bordeaux, but he is most famous for his Essais ("Essays"), a series of reflections on a wide range of topics, including philosophy, morality, politics, and human nature. Montaigne's essays are notable for their personal tone, introspection, and exploration of his own thoughts and experiences.

Personal Rating: Pending

Opinion: This is a very long book (1269 pages) so I will be reading this for a bit while I am continuing my reading list. I will update this section once I read the whole book. Wish me luck :)